Who's Responsible for Loving YOU?

In talking to some of the people I know who are single, I’ve noticed many of them have developed a strong disgust toward marriage or relationships as a whole. Some say they can’t find “the one” or “their person.” I hear complaints from both sides—women saying men lack something, and men saying women need something.

Listening to all of this, I’ve come to realize that society, or maybe even culture, has a very skewed view of who’s responsible for loving me.

And when I say me, I mean myself and every other “me” reading this. Each of us was given the sovereignty to love ourselves by God. As king or queen of the "kingdom of you", it is your responsibility to:

• desire to love yourself,

• understand how to love yourself

• become the love you desire from others.

Desiring to Love You

Each of us carries different responsibilities in life, but there’s one we all share: the responsibility to love ourselves. And by love, I don’t just mean saying “I love me” or buying ourselves nice things. I’m not even referring to daily self-care, though those things can be good. In my view, those are just byproducts of deeper love.

Snapping selfies and posting about self-love online doesn’t always mean we’re truly living it. I know this firsthand because I’ve wrestled with it too.

So, what does it really mean to love yourself? It starts with something much deeper than the surface.

How to Love You: The Deeper Work

Before we can love ourselves, we must understand what love truly is. I used to think love was that googly, butterfly feeling I had for my husband, or doing good deeds for others. While those things are beautiful, they’re not the foundation of love.

Scripture defines love like this:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered…”

After thinking it over, I realized that every word used to describe love is rooted in one thing—protection. Love protects the house, the temple, and the kingdom, that is, you.

• When you are patient with yourself, you give yourself grace to grow.

• When you are kind, you choose gentleness over harsh self-talk

• When you resist envy, you embrace your own journey.

• When you are not self-seeking, you align your purpose with service and truth.

  
  

Each of these traits doesn’t just define love—they reflect the kind of protection that begins with you and is carried out by you.

You wouldn’t leave your house or car unlocked for weeks without concern—you’d worry about who or what might get in. In the same way, real love for yourself shows up in how you protect what matters most. Loving yourself means guarding your mind, tending to your emotional well-being, and caring for your physical body, just like you’d lock a door or set an alarm to protect your home.

Becoming the Love You Desire

If you desire to feel safe, valued, seen, and supported in your relationships. Here’s the truth: you must first offer that to yourself.

• Want to be heard? Practice listening to your own needs.

• Want to be treated kindly? Start by speaking kindly to yourself.

• Want to be deeply loved? Begin by building a relationship with the person you see in the mirror.

You don’t have to wait for someone else to show up with all the love you crave. You can start giving it to yourself today—in small, real ways.

Final Thoughts: A Call to the One Still Waiting

If you’re struggling to find “the one,” your person, or even just to love yourself, please know this:

You are already enough. You are already worthy. Your love story, with yourself, can begin now.

Start by protecting what’s yours—your peace, your mind, your heart. Be the love you’ve been waiting for and watch how everything around you begins to shift.

If this spoke to your heart, drop a 💛 in the comments or share it with someone who needs to hear it.

Let’s keep growing together.