The Burden of Misplaced Expectations

Expectations are something I’ve always placed on myself. I expect to be prepared, organized, responsible, loving, and kind. And honestly, those are good things to strive for.

But what happens when I start placing those same expectations on everyone else around me? What happens when I start expecting you to do everything I hold myself to? Well, that’s something I’ve wrestled with in my marriage.

At first, when I sat down to reflect on today's May journal prompt ( the burden I was ready to set down), nothing immediately came to mind. But as I thought more deeply, I recalled a recent moment with my husband — and it clicked. I still struggle with placing my expectations on him. So yes, the burden I’m ready to lay down is misplaced expectations in marriage.

"I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things." - Mother Teresa 

Same Team, Different Wiring

A few years ago, my husband and I made a big decision — we wanted to work together. And let me tell you, this journey has been fun, exciting, challenging, full of “discussions” (we try not to call them arguments — lol), and growth. But it’s also been full of me, unknowingly, expecting him to conform to me.

I could give you a laundry list of moments when this has happened, but today, I’ll just share one.

When we launched the blog, we agreed that I would do all the writing (because that’s my passion), and he would handle behind-the-scenes tasks — managing, design, and creative direction. Perfect match, right?

Well, there’s just one thing. I love structure — to-do lists, schedules, color-coded plans. I like things organized... maybe even over-organized sometimes. My husband? Not so much. He flows. He creates when he’s inspired. His process is beautifully different, but for years, a part of me kept pulling him toward my way. And any time he didn’t fall into that rhythm, I’d get secretly annoyed. I'd have an entire argument with him in my head.

Eventually, that inner frustration started to come out in real conversations. I'd say things like: "Why can’t you just stick to the schedule I made? "Why can’t you just do it the way I do it?"

Then one day, he calmly looked at me and said, "Melissa, I can’t. I’m not you. You expect me to conform to your way, and I’ve tried, but it’s just not comfortable for me." And that’s when it hit me — hard.

The Lesson in Love and Grace

My expectations, while well-meaning, had become a weight for him. And truthfully, they became a burden for me too, because I was constantly disappointed, not because he was wrong, but because I was expecting me from him.

That’s the lesson: Misplaced expectations can quietly burden our marriages and relationships. They create silent frustrations, false standards, and emotional distance.

But when we learn to honor the differences, not just the similarities, we allow room for each other to be who we truly are. That’s where freedom and real love live. So today, I’m laying that burden down. Not my standards, not my love for excellence — but the expectation that everyone, especially the one I love most, has to do life my way.

Because grace lives in the space where control ends — and connection begins. Let's be gentle with ourselves and those around us.