Red Flags vs. Green Flags in Dating

I may not be an expert—after all, I’ve been out of the dating scene for years—but I believe dating, like any life experience, is meant to teach and help us grow. The joys and challenges of dating strengthen our relationship muscles, offering insight into others and, more importantly, ourselves.

When a relationship goes sour, I’ve found that the best place for soul-searching is within. Based on my own experiences, here are some red and green flags I’ve noticed. This list isn’t exhaustive, so I’d love to hear your thoughts and how your experiences have shaped your views on dating.

🚩 Red Flags — Warning Signs to Watch For

1. Abuse of Any Kind: This tops my list. No one deserves physical, verbal, or emotional abuse—ever.

2. Poor Communication: If communication is rocky during the dating phase, chances are it won’t magically improve later. Healthy communication is key for long-term relationships.

3. Subtle Control Issues: Freedom is essential in any relationship. Even minor signs of controlling behavior can grow over time. The healthiest relationships allow two individuals to unite while maintaining their individuality.

4. Lack of Accountability: We all make mistakes, but owning up to them is crucial. If your partner constantly deflects blame or never takes responsibility, it can harm the relationship.

5. Lying: This one’s simple: honesty is foundational. No one likes being lied to, and trust is hard to rebuild once broken.

✅ Green Flags — Signs of a Healthy Relationship

1. Honesty & Transparency: The old saying holds true: “Honesty is the best policy.” In relationships, it’s everything. An honest partner is more likely to be open about their feelings, thoughts, and actions.

2. Shared Values: This was huge for me when I started dating my now-husband. I’d been in a past relationship where, in hindsight, we simply didn’t align on core values. Sharing similar beliefs creates a stronger foundation.

3. Active Listening: A partner who truly listens values your thoughts, emotions, and needs. Even better, they can help you become a better listener, too.

4. Joy, Laughter, & Genuine Connection: A partner who makes you laugh and genuinely enjoys your company is a gift. Laughter is good for the soul and becomes a powerful tool during tough times.

5. Accountable – Someone who takes responsibility for their actions first looks at themselves when problems arise. In a relationship, this helps resolve disagreements faster and leads to healthier communication.

Dating is a journey of self-discovery, growth, and connection. While this list highlights some key signs, it’s far from complete. What are your red and green flags? Share them with me—I’d love to hear your insights and maybe even add to my list. No, I'm not planning to rejoin the dating scene, but I'd love to pass on your wisdom to friends and family. ❤️

Disclaimer: WAMF is a creative writing blog that inspires and encourages people through life’s ups and downs. This post is not meant to be therapy; the writers are not experts in this field. Please use your judgment when reading and applying any insights shared.