I Apologize: A Lesson in Growth

Year Seven: A Season of Growth

The seventh year of my marriage marked a period of significant growth and self-discovery. I shed layers of old baggage, released some deep-seated insecurities, and found healing in places I didn’t even realize were broken. My husband and I began to understand each other on a deeper level. Our family was growing, and those little tiffs that used to trip us up became fewer and far between. Life felt good—steady, peaceful, and full of hope.

But growth, as life has a way of reminding us, is never a final destination. It’s a continuous journey because humans are ever-changing, learning, and growing.

The Mirror Moment

My husband and I had a minor disagreement a few months into year seven. We talked it out, he apologized, and we moved forward—simple and smooth. A few months later, we had another tiff. The outcome was the same: conversation, an apology from him, and then we moved on.

It wasn’t until a casual conversation a few days later that something deeper was revealed. I was venting to my husband about someone in my life who never truly apologized after hurting me. I poured out my frustration about how they would offend me. We’d talk, but they’d never actually say, “I’m sorry.” It left me feeling unseen, unheard and dismissed.

As I shared this, my husband gently interrupted, “Melissa, you do that.”

I blinked. Excuse me? Indeed, he misunderstood. I was the victim here. So, I repeated myself, hoping he’d catch the bigger picture this time. But again, he softly said, “Melissa, you do that.”

“Do what?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“You don’t apologize when we discuss issues,” he replied.

I sat there, stunned into silence. I wanted to argue—after all, I’d worked so hard on my communication. I shared my feelings now. I expressed my hurt. How could he compare me to someone who dismissed my pain?

But then it clicked. He wasn’t saying I hadn’t grown. He was saying I missed a piece of the puzzle—one that truly mattered to him.

The Power of Words

I asked him to explain more, and his perspective hit me hard. He pointed out how, during our disagreements, we’d talk through the issues and reach a resolution. He would apologize. I would accept. But if I was the one in the wrong? I’d participate in the conversation and agree on a solution—but skip the actual apology.

At first, I thought, What’s the big deal? We resolved it, didn’t we?

But then, I saw it through his eyes. A verbal apology isn’t just a formality—it’s a moment of acknowledgment. It tells the other person, “I see how I hurt you, and I regret it.” It offers empathy. It shows humility. And ironically, it gives the very thing I had been craving in my own hurt: a simple, heartfelt “I’m sorry.”

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The Lesson: Growth Never Ends

This moment became another turning point in my growth journey. It humbled me. It reminded me that self-awareness is layered, and just when you think you’ve arrived, there’s often more to uncover.

But the most profound takeaway was learning that a sincere apology isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of strength. It builds trust, deepens connection, and offers healing. So now, when I’m wrong, I say it out loud: “I’m sorry.” And every time I do, I feel that slight shift toward becoming a better version of myself.

Growth never really ends. And honestly, that’s the beautiful part.