Be-Do-Have vs Have-Do-Be: Which Works?

If you’ve ever caught yourself saying, “Once I have more time, money, or help, then I’ll do the routines… and then I’ll finally be who I want to be,” this post is for you. Many of us were taught early to believe we must have something before we can do the thing, so we can finally be the person. That used to be my mindset, too, until I realized I was chasing results from the wrong starting line. Like a cat chasing its tail, I never reached the outcome I wanted, and I stayed stuck in the exhausting loop of “I don’t have, so I can’t.” I poured my energy into trying to have the relationship, the love, the forgiveness, the opportunity, or the help, so I could do more and finally be what I desired. A mindset shift I picked up from a book changed everything. Not only did my thinking shift, but how I saw myself did, too.

Two Paths, Two Very Different Outcomes

Have → Do → Be (the common trap)

• Have: “When I have more time, energy, or money…”

• Do: “…then I’ll do the plan, the reading, the workouts.”

• Be: “…and then I’ll finally be consistent, confident, creative.”

This path keeps your identity on layaway. It postpones your becoming until circumstances are perfect, which they rarely are.

Be → Do → Have (the quiet revolution)

• Be: “I am a faithful steward, a disciplined creator, a present mom.”

• Do: “So I do what those people do: I write for 20 minutes, I read with my kids, I honor our budget.”

• Have: “And I have the fruit: finished pages, peaceful mornings, healthier finances.”

Identity leads. Habits follow. Results arrive.

Why “Be” First Changes Everything

Starting with Be changes my results because identity is steadier than emotion. When I decide who I am before the day begins, my choices stop wobbling with my mood or the weather. Identity also reduces decision fatigue. I am no longer asking, “Do I feel like it?” I simply ask, “What would a faithful steward or a disciplined creator do next?” That one question turns a hundred tiny debates into one clear direction. Beginning with Be builds integrity as well. Each small action matches the story I am telling about myself, which strengthens confidence and consistency over time. Finally, Be shifts me from scarcity to stewardship. I stop waiting to have perfect conditions and I start using what I already have with care and gratitude.

Here is how that looks in my day. If I am a writer, I write for twenty minutes, even if it is before the house wakes up and the page is messy. If I am a prepared and joyful guide for my children, I choose tomorrow’s top three and print what we need tonight. If I am a wise manager, I track today’s spending and give every dollar an assignment. If I am a strong steward of my body, I take a fifteen-minute walk after dinner. These are small proofs that fit real life. They turn identity into motion.

As I practice this, the results begin to echo the identity. Words on the page confirm that I am a writer. Peaceful mornings confirm that I am a prepared guide. Cleaner finances confirm that I am a wise manager. The fruit arrives because being leads, doing follows, and having grows from faithful, repeated choices.

When It Gets Messy (because it does)

There are imperfect days. They do not break my identity; they reveal and refine it. When I say, “I am a faithful steward,” I am not claiming perfection. I am committed to returning and letting the process perfect me. On hard days, I follow a simple path. I name who I am. I take the next smallest faithful step. I scale the action to fit the day, such as one paragraph, one phone call, or five minutes of tidying. I repair what I can with grace and set one clear cue for tomorrow. Proverbs 24:16 reminds me to rise again. With that hope, I keep giving effort, attention, and kindness, trusting that steady seeds still lead to a harvest.

Your turn

When it gets messy for you, remember who you are, take one small step, reduce whatever it is to a version you can finish today, and set one cue for tomorrow. Remember that the harvest comes to those who return.

Save These for Later: Two Helpful Videos

When you’re ready for a reminder, here are two videos that I really enjoyed, which expound on the BE-DO-HAVE mindset—one quick and one more in-depth. Watch whichever you need today, and let it nudge you back to who you are.

• Quick Hit (Short): one-minute Be → Do → Have refresher (fast reset). https://www.youtube.com/shorts/T9dgRxUtZZ8

• Deeper Dive: a more detailed walkthrough to help you practice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JWhTqYuTotk

Final encouragement: Start small. Start now. One identity. One tiny action. One return after every miss. Measure out faithfulness today and expect to receive in the same measure, pressed down and overflowing, in due time. After all, the measure you give is the measure you will receive, and that includes how you treat yourself. You’ve got this.

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